As I sit here in joyful solitude on the couch, legs crossed up on the coffee table and my laptop placed accordingly on my lap. I can’t help but reflect on a time in my life that I sat on the couch in solitude. The sense of loneliness and unworthiness seemed to be an endless battle between my heart and my mind. It was one of the hardest times of my life, feeling that there was no light along the horizon. One day I decided to reminisce along the written pages of old journals tucked in the back of the bookshelf, I came across a single page in a small notebook, that read the following:
It took months of deep, heart-wrenching, real soul searching for me to become stronger than I’ve ever been and to understand how amazing I am. Yet, this simple moment in time, that brought me to tears and grasped at my heart, was the stepping stone to me becoming the Portia that I want to be. Once I began to learn myself and shed my skin to expose my soul, I was able to experience a love for myself that I hadn’t come across yet.
The smile that used to be smeared across that young wild spirited girl was beaming brighter and I felt alive. Having those daily affirmations for myself allowed my mind and heart to work together. Instead of feeling like there was a battle between good and evil. You know what I’m talking about when you’re heart is broken and your mind is telling you that you deserve better and you’re strong. I AM AMAZING!
To continue with my daily affirmations, I want to share with you some of the things I love about myself. Hopefully to inspire and provide light to anyone who may be in a dark place.
Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light – Albus Dumbledore
I’m Motivated and I Will Make a Mark
Some would call it defiance but I move to my own beat, achieving things in my own way and challenging the status quo. I refer to the pigtail brown haired girl, running through the wildflowers in New Hampshire, wandering deeper and deeper, exploring the world as it was all my own playground. The rise of the moon, or my great-grandmother yelling for me to come back couldn’t stop me. After dropping out of college and struggling to find my own, I returned to graduate with not one but TWO degrees! If you tell me I won’t do something, WATCH OUT for I will come and you will hear me.
I know that my dreams will happen for they’re appearing in front of my every day and you know why? It’s because I want it!
I’m Silly, Goofy and All The Above
“Oh, you’re so silly, babe.” James says this to me at least three times a day. Whether I’m making faces at him, dancing around the house or just being me. It’s very easy to let the challenges or changes in our daily lives to throw us off. We can experience being down or hard on ourselves as I had mentioned above. I choose how to react to the world around and being silly and free brings happiness to my soul and is the light to my dark days.
There are people who live in this world for others. They live on how they believe others should want them to live and how to act. This makes it easier to lose ourselves because we hide it deep inside. Being silly and lighthearted is who I am. It makes me laugh till my stomach hurts, it reminds me of my silly great-grandmother and it just feels right. Being true to myself and showing who I am is what makes this journey true and my own.
My Blue Eyes and Brown Hair
Please read the disclaimer: this is in no way to be superficial or vane, it’s strictly loving who I am. I love that I have blue eyes because two of my favorite people who had blue eyes…can you guess? You’re thinking my mom and dad right, that would be the obvious guess. However you would be wrong, these two individuals were my great-grandmother and my papa. Every morning looking in the mirror, I’m reminded of these beloved individuals and see a piece of them embedded in me. But I truly love the uniqueness and rareness of having bright blue eyes and chocolate brown hair.
What do you love most about yourself? What would be your daily affirmation? I would love to know more about you, the beautiful souls on this journey with me. Share what you love/admire about yourself the most. Remember that you’re amazing, strong, beautiful, fun, loving and most importantly you are you!